December was a contemplative month. Along with many boat rides to the surrounding communities and the ever slow process of developing my ability to speak Spanish, I was able to start some new friendships and establish myself a little more in town. I ate breakfast and dinner with a new host mother, Viviana, whom is a member of a different family cluster than that of my counterpart and my original host family Brazilda. Since Viv has an abundance of 8-9 children, there was no room in her house for me to sleep and I started to sleep in my house, or…Casa de Cholita. The other women in my town would constantly ask me: “Ohhhhh you’re sleeping alone in the house? Aren’t you scared? Aren’t you afraid at night to be in there all alone? How do you ever fall asleep? After telling them that I’m fine in the house, over and over, it made me realize what kind of cultural differences we have. We think nothing of living in apartments by ourselves, working alone, and spending quite time by ourselves. They consider it sad and dangerous to be alone, which they rarely are. It made me think, why do Americans value our independence so much? Why do we think it’s so great to move away from home, from family, to work and live by ourselves? Simply cause we can afford it? Because it shows status to have some hot shot bachelor/bachelorette pad? My people here would never have done that, ever. After missing all 3 major holidays in the year of 2008 with my own family: Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas, I considered my behavior about taking off and leaving home to move to Panama, in the eyes of the family values that Ngobes embrace, I got sad, and a little disappointed in myself as a daughter, sister, friend and family member. I know this is an amazing experience and I’m in no means regretting it or thinking about coming home, but I wonder where the drive and value that we have for travel comes from, and how it does not exist in other cultures. It terrifies them.
This time is making me a tougher person, but by no means is it turning me hard to emotion. When crying about missing my family and friends to Vivian, I was comforted by nothing but compassion.
2 comments:
I'm so glad you posted! I miss you (and have been checking for a new post regularly). Anyhow on traveling, I like to travel a little for a few weeks at a time, but I would hate living alone. I actually don't know that many people who can live completely alone (no roommate or nearby friends) and not be a little lonely. I still feel guilty for being away from home sometimes, and I'm still easy to contact. Especially when I speak to my grandmother because she asks when I'm coming home. She has Alzeihmers and doesn't remember, but spends lots of time asking if I'm alright....I hope you are alright, and enjoy it down there getting a new perspective on life. And thanks for sharing your story.
<3 Amanda Ackerman.
Oh KK - that is exactly the way i felt when I lived in Chicago for 2 years. And even though it is closer than Panama, I missed a lot of family events during that time too. But I am so glad I lived in Chicago and it made me realize how important family is, but I had to see a little more of the world. No regrets - just appreciate. and I made your reservations for Quito - your little sister will be so happy to see you there and it will be something you can tell your children!! Tell your Nobes that we love our family as much as they do and can't wait to meet them.
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